Why Relationships Don’t Work – An Astrology Perspective

The reason most relationships don’t work is because we look for partners who are ‘just like us’.

But being with a partner who is just like you doesn’t make sense from an evolutionary perspective.

We need genetic variation for life to form. That’s what has compelled people to move across the world from the beginning of times.  

Only the royals used to marry among themselves, to preserve their power and fortune. But this ‘practice’ didn’t turn out very well. Their offspring had too many genetic problems.

Of course, love and relationships are much more than the quest for a healthy offspring. But the same underlying principles apply.

Although it’s true that people with similar educational background and similar values make for a better match, the similarities kind of stop there.

We need a partner with a different temperament. With a different personality. With different interests.

The key word for relationships is “difference”. You need someone who is different than you.

Artwork: Jim Dine

Of course, you don’t have to look for your complete opposite. It’s healthy to have some similarities, but the problem is that most of us want too many similarities.

Why Relationships Don’t Work

The reason why relationships don’t work is because we look for partners who are just like us – not different than us (as we should).  

If we do find someone who is different than us (and sometimes we do, because chemistry has a magic way of pulling two strangers together) – we start to fight.

The most difficult thing in the world is to understand – and accept – someone for who they are; NOT to try to change them, or wish they were ‘just like us’.

Being with someone different is challenging because life is supposed to be challenging. But only when we have challenges do we grow and transform our lives.

Yet, we compulsively search for people who are just like us, for people we are compatible with.

Astrology contributes to this confusion.

You were told that if you are an Aries, your perfect match is a Leo or a Sagittarius. Do you know why? Because Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius have the same polarity – they are all masculine signs. Also, Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are all fire signs. They have the ‘fire’ element in common.

So basically astrology compatibility is based on the concept of similarity.

I truly believe that astrology compatibility – as we’ve been taught – is misleading.

Yes, being compatible is ‘nice’.

But is this really what we’re looking for in a mate? Someone who is ‘nice’ and makes us feel comfy and cozy?

Of course not. That’s what we have friends for.

The basis of life formation is ‘difference’, is ‘polarity’. We have the Sun and the Moon, the day and the night. When the two conjoin, life is formed.

We have Venus and Mars. The glyphs for Venus and Mars are used to differentiate the two genders. We need Venus and Mars to have attraction.

Opposites attract. Similarity is not attractive. Being different is.

As long as we look for people who are just like us, we miss opportunities for creation and growth.

Look for a person who will challenge you, who will push your buttons, who you help you grow.

Let’s say you’re an Aries and your partner is a Virgo. Instead of getting annoyed they are meticulous and perfectionists – while you want to take action NOW, try to understand where they’re coming from. What can they teach you?

In Relationship Astrology, we look at 5 things. Are you familiar with the 5 languages of love? Astrology’s 5 languages of love are the Descendant, Mars, Venus, the Moon, and the Sun.

Each of these 5 languages is important. Let’s say your Mars sign is different – or ‘not compatible’ on classical terms – with your partner’s Mars sign. This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.

It means that your ‘Mars language’ is different than your partner’s ‘Mars language’. Being different is good. You are teaching your partner something. And they are teaching you something.

When you understand the particularities of your ‘5 love languages’  (a.k.a. Descendant, Mars, Venus, Moon, and Sun) and your partner’s 5 love languages – this is when the relationship thrives and achieves its highest potential.

Not sure what your 5 astrology love languages are? The Relationship Astrology 101 online course will teach you how to find what your love language is and create your ‘Relationship profile’.

The course is extremely straight-forward and will work for you even if you’re a beginner and you only know your Sun sign. You will need to know your birth details though –  your birthdate and time of birth.

Here you can find more details about the course:


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